They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
