I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
