I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
