Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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