we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
