I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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