i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
