The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
