After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
