I want to have your abortion
I think my vagina is haunted
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
