Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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