i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
