The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
