at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize