I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
