he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
and you fell through a lawn chair
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
