Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
