Buhtt sex?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
