2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
