Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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