I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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