farters have to be the big spoon...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This is my gift to your gina
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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