what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
