Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
