3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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