the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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