Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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