If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
