Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
