I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
