i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
