Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
