that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
