I wish my penis had an off switch
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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