I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
