Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
