did you get engaged???
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
