I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
