I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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