he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I need to calm my uterus...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
