Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
