I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
