You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
