I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You ruined the universe
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
