you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
