i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Randomize
