I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
