I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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