Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
