apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
