The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
