Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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