so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
