My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize