I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
