My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
