went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
