So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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