never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
