The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
