I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
