hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
