Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We are all done wearing pants today
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
