yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
