That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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