OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
