we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
