these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize