YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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