i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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